Boob Voyage!

rhoc beach

The Real Housewives of Orange County- Season 12, Episode 11

Already two minutes in, and behold, breasts!  Kelly gets a boob cast made for historical purposes before she gets a breast reduction.  It doesn’t look entirely unpleasant, if someone you love makes the cast.

Tamra and Lydia are lunching.  Tamra tells Lydia that Vicki invited Tamra to her party, but also invited Gretchen and Ricky.  We all know about Gretchen and Tamra not getting along at all.  We learn that, because Tamra didn’t invite Ricky to her baptism, he swore to get revenge on her.  Delightful.  Why does this person have a vendetta about not being invited to a baptism?
Tamra cries to Lydia. Tamra feels like she’s finally in a good place in her life, and doesn’t want to let rumors, gossip, and anything toxic ruin the way things are going, especially Vicki inviting Gretchen and Ricky to her party.  Lydia is now confused at why at Vicki’s party, Vicki told her how much she misses Tamra, yet invited people to her party who have been unkind to her and Eddie.  I wish Lydia would watch the seasons of this show with Brooks, and finally just understand what happened.

Peggy and Diko visit the doctor, so Peggy can prepare herself for reconstructive surgery. We all cringe when the doctor injects water into Peggy’s expanders around her breast tissue, which makes her body convulse in pain.  No one wants to see Peggy in pain, but it’s great that she shares her experiences with her double mastectomy, and what happens  for her after that.

Doug and Lydia have a loving bible verse moment in another doctor’s waiting room, while waiting to talk about Doug getting a vasectomy.  Lydia says he needs to cut off his balls again, even though she knows that’s not how it works.  Doug wonders about if he’ll get a pain pump after the procedure, the way Lydia got one after giving birth to his children.  Yes Doug, I’m sure it feels the exact same thing when you wake up from surgery, as it is giving birth to a small human while awake, or having said small human lifted from your womb in surgery.

Everyone is at the beach for Kelly’s Boob Voyage party! Everyone gets ready to play some volleyball.  Vicki, Shannon, and Tamra are all nervous to see each other.  Kelly mentions Meghan is not invited to her party.
Volleyball time! Vicki and Tamra are not pleased to be on the same team. Shannon is being loud as hell, talking trash.  The game ends, and everyone goes to the house to dine on boob pastries, and imbibe breast-themed cocktails.
Peggy and Tamra talk.  Peggy wants Tamra and Vicki to talk things out, so this all just ends, and she doesn’t have to hear them talking about this anymore.  Vicki talks to Kelly, while Shannon hovers around them.
Tamra goes to the kitchen to cry, and talk to Shannon and Lydia.  Shannon tells her to buck up, and be strong.  Lydia thinks Shannon is jealous because Vicki doesn’t want to make up with her,and trying to make everything about her.
In the other room, Kelly is trying to get Vicki to talk to Tamra, but Vicki doesn’t think it’s a good idea at the party, or in general.
Vicki, Tamra, Kelly, go upstairs to talk.  Vicki and Kelly just start yelling about everything, especially that Vicki never lied about any cancer.  Oyyyyyy.  Shannon runs upstairs after hearing the yelling, then gets in on the yelling.

Outside, Lydia wants to go upstairs to be the neutral person, but Peggy, and the husbands try to stop her. Then, Peggy decides to go too.  Once again, all the husbands are having a good time with each other, while their wives are being nasty to each other, and they just dismiss it as how women are. What is this world?  Are they on the same Earth as the rest of us?

At one point during this yelling, Lydia gives the camera a look like she wants to leave this planet, which is how we all feel watching this entire screamfest.  She goes downstairs to talk to Tamra and Shannon, since people are just literally yelling upstairs.
Vicki leaves the party, not wanting to deal with the situation anymore.

It’s time for cake, and it’s so awkward at the table.  First some minor yelling, then a light, fun moment as Tamra signs Kelly’s breast cast.
We go right back to awkward.  Lydia is asked about her boob job, and notices Shannon squeezing Kelly’s leg,and think it’s a jab at her.  What?
The boob cake is cut, and served!
Lydia and Shannon keep going back and forth because of the leg squeezing thing.  All Lydia wants to do is leave!  All we want is for this to end!  This goes on for another few minutes.  Finally, Lydia and Peggy leave, and the yelling at this party ends.  The producers choose to end the episode with a shot of Shannon talking to herself at the bar.

What did we learn this week?  It’s fun to throw a party to celebrate your breasts, but don’t get into screaming matches at parties, especially parties to celebrate breasts.

-Aoife, TV Guru

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One thought on “Boob Voyage!

  1. Pingback: Eat It, Peanut Gallery! | Reality Recappers

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