Below Deck- Season 5 Episode 5- Cool Beans
I love Below Deck! Wish I could charter a yacht someday! Not gonna happen! This season is
amazing a disaster with all the day drinking and stupidity. Below Deck rehab begins when charter season is over amiright.
Another morning equals another a hangover for Chris Brown. These three geniuses cannot even mop a floor correctly. Nico talks to Captain Lee and the Cap has a plan. But no one knows what that plan is. Matt flirts with
Malia Bri in anticipation of their beach picnic. Jen gets jealous she isn’t taken out on a date and has to work all day/night. Kate then brings up all of her faults… But next time will be her special time.
Matt is nervous as hell to go out with Brianna and starts day drinking like it’s St. Patrick’s Day. He does plan a nice boat ride and an ok picnic (um at a nude beach and no towel?). Well I would be entertained at least. But then he pounds an entire bottle of Jim Beam. He reveals his innermost desires which include being nude on a nude beach and running away and starting a life with Brianna. Oh My. Brianna lets him down in the most mature way possible. He is so drunk he can’t even process what is happening
Back at the yacht Matt is so drunk he starts tongue rolling and says he will T Rex Brianna. Oh ingrained sexism at it’s finest. Sir you spend far too much time on urban dictionary. Get a life.
The new bosun EJ arrives and knows Captain Lee from back in the day. Oooo this is a punch to Nico’s gut. On first impression EJ creeps me out a bit.
Quote of the episode- “I answer to one higher power and that’s God. I don’t know who my boss is. This boat is ridiculous” Chris Brown please don’t get sent home because your words make me smile. Moving him out of his room and into the crew mess is pretty shitty.
Well here comes a 4 guest sober charter. This is gonna boring. Looks like EJ was the one who fucked up the stern this time but no one calls him out for it. The charter guest tries talking food with Chef Matt but he is too hungover to blink let alone talk about his job. The guests like his boring salad.
Nico confides in Bri that he should be bosun. He should but I think his brother passing away has him off his game. He seems to be too lax to be bosun at this point. Work! Work! Work! He also disrespects Chris Brown. At least Baker offered her closet and Bruno offered his bed to him.
Dinner for the sober guests is bad and boring. Please go sleep off that hangover Matt and get your shit together. Everyone watches fireworks. Even that seemed boring. EJ is doing his best to teach the deckhands methods and tricks.
The episode ends with EJ forgetting the hand brake and Matt realizing Jim Beam is not his friend. Can’t wait for next week- the boat drifts and Jen has a fit and someone gets fired (I think).