We’re Gonna Have To Tell the Restaurant We’re From Jersey

rhoj cake fight

The Real Housewives of New Jersey- Season 8 Episode 1

Hello again Jersey!  We have missed you!
The season opens with what has been going on with everyone since last season.
Teresa lost her mom, and reflects on how much she meant to her.

Dolores’s daughter is home from college about to graduate, and Frankie is about to go to college. It is revealed that Frank is moving back in for a while. He arrives to a room with no furniture,except for a massage table.  When he complains, Dolores explains that she has three businesses, and has no time to decorate.  Frank, you are sleeping on the massage table tonight.

At his parents’ house, Joe starts packing up things that belonged to his mom.  He and Teresa have a tearful moment about their dad.  Joe mentions their dad wants to sell the house, and that he would like it if their dad would live with Joe. These moments we all go through are so hard to watch.  I just want to hug everyone in this house.  It’s heartbreaking to see their father hurting so much.

Melissa’s new store is open!  She mentions that Jackie is no longer a partner.  She came in the store in the middle of the night and took all of the clothes.  Jackie then sold the clothes to Angelo’s store.  He is the person who started the rumor that Melissa was a stripper.  Nice, right?

At Teresa’s house, some sympathy flowers arrive from Danielle.  That brings up a lot of feelings about their past, but Teresa mentions that Danielle has really been there for her a lot with her mom.  She still wonders if he has other intentions.
Joe, the best brother ever, arrives to take everyone away so Teresa can have a fun night for herself with the girls! Dolores, Melissa and Siggy join Teresa’s three friends.  The subject of Frank moving back in with Dolores gets everyone fired up, but Dolores doesn’t think it’s a big deal.  Teresa talks about how she’s dealing with her loss.  In a voice over moment, Siggy tells us how much Melissa and Teresa have gone through, and she is going to give them a vacation and invite all the girls to her hometown, Boca!

Dolores packs for Boca, and talks to Frankie. Frankie is worried about what it will be like being alone with his dad
Teresa warns a sleepy Gia to basically behave while she’s gone, and Gia just yawns.
Melissa packs, and is turned on that Joe is going to be “Mr. Mom”.  Melissa, he’s just being their father!

Siggy is super excited to go home to Boca, see all her people, and introduce the ladies to the town she loves.
The ladies have champagne on the terrace of their hotel.  Siggy mentions they are going to have a fun event the next night, and that tonight they are going to her favorite restaurant.

Later on that evening, we meet Margaret , a friend of Siggy’s, and newest Housewife of New Jersey.  Hello Margaret. Melissa is surprised that a grown woman wears her hair in pigtails.  The ladies hit the town!
Siggy walks into the restaurant screaming hello at everyone, which makes Teresa and Melissa wish they could hide under a table.
At dinner, Siggy brings up a problem she’s been having.  Her husband wanted her to cut down the amount of days she worked, and now she feels like she’s not working enough, and she misses it.
Teresa talks about how she is upset she lost time with her mom because of the situation Joe put her in, in her words.  This is the first time we’ve seen Teresa say anything like this about Joe before, or show any sign of anger which surprises everyone.  It’s a different world for Teresa without her mom.

The next morning, Melissa awakes to facetime with Joe for her birthday.
Dolores gets a call because she finds out that Frankie hasn’t sent in any of his college applications. Dolores blames herself for the situation. She has no choice but to have Frank deal with Frankie while she’s away, which we already know will not be good.

It’s time for Melissa’s birthday breakfast.  The ladies are seated, and drinking breakfast cocktails, and look who walks over, former and now current housewife, Danielle Staub!
Teresa mentions that a few weeks ago, Danielle invited Teresa and her friends to her housewarming party, and things went well.  I guess that’s why she was invited to Boca!
Dolores wonders if she is the only one not thrilled to see Danielle, and says she has a bad feeling about her being back.

Later on, the ladies are all dressed up and go out on a little boat.  Teresa gets a heartbreaking call from Audriana who misses her nonna.  I feel so bad for this kid, she’s only seven.  It all just makes Teresa sad.

At dinner, Danielle introduces herself to Margret. Danielle Margret brings up that she uses  poppers in spray form, which gives her the most unbelievable orgasm.  Some of the ladies feign being shocked, but we all want to know more about this spray. “It excites your puss!”, says Margret.
Melisa is getting drunk, which gets everyone excited.  Melissa is a lot of fun.
Margaret asks Siggy if she feel like her husband is being controlling.  Siggy says she “married a man, she didn’t marry a pussy”.  Margret wonders what that really means, and so do we.
Everyone tells Siggy her husband isn’t letting her live her dreams, and thankfully  Melisa’s birthday cake comes before anything bad happens.  Teresa gives a great drunk toast and a cake fight ensues.  Melissa runs around screaming, “It’s my birthday, bitch!”  Honestly. this is a pretty fun, relatively drama-free dinner for everyone.  Cake flies around.  Siggy is not loving any of this, and yells as she cleans the cake off the floor, “We’re gonna have to explain to the restaurant that we’re from Jersey!”  Margret asks if that’s really a necessary reaction, and Siggy tells her to go fuck herself.  Things were going well!

What did we learn tonight- Melissa is indeed a fun vacation drunk, don’t mess with Siggy, grown women can wear pigtails,or wear their hair any way they please!

-Aoife, TV Guru

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