Jersey’s Heeeere

Jersey trailer picJersey Shore: Family Vacation, Season 1, Episode 1, What’s In the Bag?; The Ring

It’s back!  T-shirt time is back!  The Meatballs are back!  Cabs here! The Duck phone is quacking, in a new location.  Miami is where everyone is staying this season.  I am sure there was a low-lying cloud of cologne that lied over the city while they were there.

How is the group these days?  Still mostly orange, and loud.  Pauly still does his hair the same exact way he did on his Jersey Shore audition video. We all know Snooki and Gianna had a child, Lorenzo, and they also have a daughter, Giovanna.  JWoww and Roger are a family, and they have two children,  Meilani and Grayson.  Ronnie became a father two days ago! He is such a brand new daddy.  Deena is married now.  Mike has a girlfriend, is still in a bad legal situation, no pun intended, and is trying to better himself.  Vinny has a girlfriend.

In Jersey, Snooki, and Deena go to the Shore Store, to have Danny make t-shirts for the family reunion. Danny looks great.  The Meatballs also decide to raid the Shore House.  Duck phone is coming to Miami! I missed my Meatballs and their shenanigans! Danny is going to be upset, but he will understand.
JWoww arrives, and the three ladies go to lunch. Deena is nervous to see Ronnie.  When she lost her father, Ronnie was the only one of the group who did not reach out to her.
They call Mike, and he tells them that he got plea deal, and if he takes it he will do less time, five to ten years.  The women are heartbroken to hear this. Yikes, people,  pay your taxes. Going to jail is worse than being broke.

Everyone heads to Miami, except for Mike.  He got a phone call from his lawyer to not leave the state right now.  Vinny is the only person who knows, and Mike tells him he is trying to do everything possible to come to be with everyone.

The Miami house is a big step up from the Shore house, including an infinity pool that looks like it does into the river by the house.
Pauly talks about getting botox, and lip injections, but no one seems surprised, since most of them do that too. You do you, Pauly.
The topic of Sammi not joining the group in Miami comes up, and Deena tells everyone not to say anything bad about her.  No one does, and everyone can see why she was not comfortable enough to go to this reunion.

Vinny arrives, and everyone asks where is Mike.  Vinny tells them about the court date, and the plea deal, and says depending on what happens in court, Mike may not be able to join them. Everyone is understandably upset, and worried about Mike.

Pauly brought  a surprise for the house.  It is in a cross between  duffle bag and garbage bag, and brings the thing inside the house.  Everyone is convinced it is a dead body, especially as Pauly opens the bag, and we see things that look like body parts.  It is a Real Doll of Sammi, and if you press a button, it says a number of Sammi’s lines from the old episodes.  Deena is not amused by this at all, and lets it be known.  She and Ronnie get into a argument about it.  I can see Deena being really drunk, and talking to the Sammi doll, though.
The group heads upstairs.  Snooki gives everyone the t shirts she had made, and it is revealed that Duck Phone is here!  I am surprised this place has a landline.  Mike is the first person to call, as we hear the familiar fake quacking noise.  Mike says he pleaded guilty, and the judge allowed him to go down to Miami.

Snooki is concerned about the Sammi doll, and tries to move her away from where everyone will be drunk that night.  It does not work well, the doll falls on top of Snooki.  Its wig falls off, its eyeball rolls back in its head, Snooki hath slain the Sammi doll.

Cabs here!  Everyone is excited to go out, because not everyone gets to go out all the time these days!  Snooki is excited to be able to party, and be as wild as she pleases, while in Miami.
Everyone still dances like they did on the old show.  Even Vinny comments on this.  Deena gets on stage to dance. Vinny does some Jean Claude Van Damme-like dance moves.  It is all  still like watching an episode from years ago.  I can understand that it is time for everyone to just have some fun, and their version of “dancing” is just how it is.
Deena and Ronnie decide this is a good time to talk. Drunk yelling over the music is always the perfect way to have a serious conversation about something.  Ronnie feels like Sammi is not at the reunion because she does not care about them. Deena is upset that Ronnie keeps bringing up Sammi, and wonders if he still has feelings for her.
Snooki has turned into out of control Snooki, she can’t really talk, she is falling over, and it is clearly time to go home.
Everyone admires how drank Snooki is, and then Snooki falls onto the street.  They pick her up, and get her in the cab.  Vinny comments in confessional that they all partied like years ago.
The group arrives home to no power in the house.  The Meatballs are super drunk, and screaming.  Snooki has to pee, and decides to get into the pool in her pants and bra, and pees.  Afterward, Ronnie picks her up in a towel, and puts her in her bed.  Thank you Ronnie.
Pizza’s here!  Deena is super excited.  Vinny does not eat carbs, and eats everything but the crust.  Pauly is right, this is disrespectful to pizza!

The next morning, everyone has a big brunch, and Snooki orders a large bowl of alcohol.  Jenni, and Snooki get emotional because they miss their children.  Jenni has to walk away from the table for a moment.
Vinny and Pauly pick up Mike at the airport, and the rest of the group  does some more partying.  Snooki is getting more drunk, and having a lot of fun.
Mike is sober, and Vinny wonders how he will feel about being around  everyone when they are partying.
Ronnie declares this his dad-chelor party, and Jenni arranges for some dancers to come over to Ronnie.  He loves this, and ends up entertaining the dancers.
As Mike walks into the club,  and the DJ announces that The Situation is in the building.  Everyone is really happy to see Mike. Snooki orders sober shots for the table, and one of the dancers ends up dancing with Jenni.
Mike drives everyone home, and the power is back on!  Hooray! Mike is blown away by the house.  Then, Ron poops with the door open in his and Mike’s bathroom, which drives everyone out of the bedroom.
The Sammi doll is in the confessional, and the rest of the guys join it.
Ronnie has blocked up the toilet.  Welcome to Miami, Mike!

After parting all day, everyone is going to a nice restaurant for Mike’s first dinner. Vinny gives a genuinely sweet toast with sparkling water.  Everyone tells Mike how proud they are of him, and what a good person he is now.  In his speech, Ronnie notes they have had  more bad times ,and fights than good times. Everyone gets is upset because he is bringing up things from ten years ago. Ronnie continues speaking, and says that he is happy to see that Mike is really trying to be different now.
Back at the house, the Meatballs have a lot of wine, then decide to drown the Sammi doll.  They carry this thing all the way over to the pool, and throw it in. It floats, and is now even creepier than before.  The doll starts making loud noises in the pool, which just disturbs everyone, including anyone who will watch this scene.
Snooki realizes her rings are missing, and wonders if they fell into the pool.  Everyone goes on a ring hunt, looking through the grass, and outside furniture.  Snooki is crying so hard, I hope they find this ring.  Everyone is looking with flashlights, and are focused on finding her ring. Snooki is inconsolable, wants to go home, and calls her father while sobbing.
Great way to end this first episode.  I hope Snooki gets her ring back!

What did we learn this week?  Not much has changed with this crew, except for the usual growing up that comes with any group over a number of years.

I am glad Sammi doll is gone, that thing was so creepy for so many reasons.

-Aoife, TV Guru

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Jersey’s Heeeere

  1. I love my Meatballs, and the fact they are still hot messes. I love that Pauly still does his hair the same exact way. There is some macho bs I hope the guys would have grown out of, but nope.
    I still love watching this group, I’m pleased with this reboot.

    Like

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