Socialite Kegger Tonite: Cher vs. Cheerleader

housewives of dallas season 3 episode 13 leeanne brandiThe Real Housewives of Dallas – Season 3, Episode 16, Party Fouls

Stephanie is throwing a goodbye party for Travis, who is heading off to Harvard Business School. For some reason Stephanie decides to throw a “frat party”, specifically a raging kegger.  I suppose this is a salute to their misogynist, bigoted, classist Greek organizations where rich kids make connections for life.  Fantastic!
Stephanie says some of her best memories were on the floor of a frat house, but they were not sexual.
Stephanie did not party a lot because she was a cheerleader, and needed to watch the carbs, but wants to make up for it now.
LeeAnne and Rich go visit the church where they plan on getting married to talk to the reverend. They talk about their relationship.  They pick out their wedding date, and shake on it.  LeeAnne is thrilled, and tells us she deserves it after all of this waiting with Rich.

Mama Dee throws an event to turn her company over to D’Andra!  Family and co-workers are invited, but not the ladies.  D’Andra says she does not want any tension in the room, since this is such a special moment for her and her mother.
Mama Dee gives a speech, and then signs over her companies to D’Andra.  Hooray!
After the signing, Dee talks about how much fun was the day.  Mama Dee tells D’Andra she will always help her and never let her down. D’Andra tells her mother she hopes one day she will be proud of her.  Mama Dee says she already is proud of D’Andra, and cannot wait to see what a success she will become.  D’Andra tells us this is all she has ever wanted, and hearing it from her mother makes everything better.

Kameron and LeeAnne go shopping for Travis’ party.  Kameron does not know what one buys for an adult throwing a frat party.
LeeAnne says the party will be the LeeAnne attack party.
Stephanie has not called LeeAnne since the trip, and she has not heard from D’Andra since the fashion show.  LeeAnne tells Kameron she wishes she could tell the rest of the women that the Peaceful LeeAnne is at home “banging the shit” out of that Tibetan singing bowl, and Bitch LeeAnne showed up to “kick all ya’lls asses”.  LeeAnne please go to an emergency meditation session!
They go get some cocktails, which I suppose is good enough.

Brandi shows up  in her high school cheerleading uniform to help set up for the frat party.  Brandi is pretty happy she can still fit into her uniform.  Brandi tells Stephanie she wants to be the cheerleader who gets thrown out of the party for being “too trashy”.  In that case Brandi, why not leave now?
Stephanie is excited that Brandi is going to be reliving her party days, and she is there for it.
housewives of dallas season 3 episode 16 stephanie jello shots
Brandi asks Stephanie if she is nervous about seeing LeeAnne. Brandi says she wants to tell LeeAnne she is done, and there are only so many times she can give LeeAnne another chance.  She says she cannot take LeeAnne seriously because Kameron told her the phone cloning was a joke.   Brandi says it is a threat, lie and a joke, and none of it is okay.  Brandi is also worried about seeing Kameron, because she will always have LeeAnne’s back. Brandi tells us cloning someone’s phone illegally is not funny.
Stephanie and Brandi both wonder what Kameron is getting out of her friendship with LeeAnne.  One guess is that Kameron is feels secure being around someone with such a strong personality. Stephanie tells us that agreeing with a friend when they are wrong is not being, it is being a doormat.

LeeAnne arrives at Kameron’s house to get ready for the party, and talks to a bush in the shape of a peeing poodle. This is going to be a memorable night.
Kameron tells LeeAnne she wants to do her hair, even though they are about to go to a kegger for grown ups, with a foam pit.
Kameron tells us in college she never went to foam parties because she heard one could get diseases from it.
Kameron is going to go to the party as Cher from Clueless.  LeeAnne decides they should wear matching costumes, and decides to go buy one while Kameron washes her hair.

The other women get ready too.  D’Andra says in college, her entire week revolved around what frat party was going on that weekend. What a surprising revelation!
D’Andra and Jeremy ride off to the party, and D’Andra calls Mama Dee.  D’Andra tells her mom she is a little nervous to see LeeAnne because she does not know what to expect. D’Andra tells us she is not over LeeAnne’s shady comment at the fashion show.  Again, this is going to be a fantastic, fun night.
Mama Dee tells D’Andra if a friendship is not working, it is best for both people to go their separate ways.  Jeremy tells D’Andra to say her piece to LeeAnne, be done with it, and then go have fun.

LeeAnne returns in her Cher outfit, and Kameron is excited.  Kameron cannot wait to make a fabulous entrance at the frat party for adults, in matching costumes with LeeAnne.
LeeAnne wonders what people will say to them, and decides they will they “ya’ll are so cute and matching”.  Kameron says at the party, they should stay positive, not let anyone be mean to them, but LeeAnne says she is afraid she will lose her cool.  Kameron tells us she is worried about what could happen between LeeAnne and Brandi, as if this entire episode does not exist for that one reason.
Kameron also tells us that Brandi and D’Andra have gotten away with more than LeeAnne ever got away with in the past.  LeeAnne says she heard Brandi will be wearing a cheerleader outfit. Kameron says Brandi always talks about being a cheerleader, but says she thinks there is a lot more to Brandi.

Frat Party time! Everyone is doing jello shots, and foam fills the air.
Callie Roo,the baby Texas kangaroo is also back for more fun!  Brandi is excited that Callie Roo came to college.
There is beer pong, and a beer bong.  It is a good thing all of these people have drivers.
D’Andra shares her good news about the company with Brandi, Stephanie, and Cary.
LeeAnne and Kameron arrive looking their Clueless best.  Kameron notes that no one else at this party is dressed up like they are, but I do not think that is a problem for Kameron.

Fake happy greetings are shared by all, and yes, the other ladies do tell Kameron and LeeAnne they look cute in their Cher costumes. Their confessional comments reveal what everyone really thought.
D’Andra tells us that Kameron is getting played hard by LeeAnne, and thinks it is weird that LeeAnne had to go get the same costume as Kameron.
Brandi makes a classist comment disguised as a “joke”, saying maybe LeeAnne wore this costume to a college themed party, because she never went to college, and does not know what it is like.   Brandi, you asked Cary, “Where’s Copenhagen”, and Bravo gave an episode that title because of your breathtaking ignorance.  How did you even graduate eighth grade?
Cary gives the ultimate shady comment, saying LeeAnne’s outfit is less Clueless, and more Single White Female.  Again, Bravo, please give Cary a show where she just makes comments in confessional.
Everyone does shots and drinks.

Stephanie pulls LeeAnne off to the side, and asks if she cloned Brandi’s phone.
LeeAnne tells Stephanie she did not, and she wanted Brandi to feel just like she did when Brandi had her phone.  LeeAnne tells Stephanie her “tat will always be bigger than the tit”.
Brandi, standing with the other women, tells Kameron she has grown to love her, and it was shocking to hear that LeeAnne thought Brandi stole her phone.  Brandi says she did not steal LeeAnne’s phone.
Stephanie tells LeeAnne she told a lie about cloning Brandi’s phone, and need to own it.
Kameron tells Brandi she understands both sides, because she would steal someone’s phone if she thought there were “naughty” pictures of her on there.
LeeAnne tells Stephanie she is not Satan.  LeeAnne says she cannot just set people on fire, because if she could, a lot of people would be in flames.  Stephanie stands in silence, looking disturbed.

Brandi tells Kameron LeeAnne is not a reasonable human being.  Kameron tells Brandi she thinks there is too much coincidence that Brandi supposedly ended up finding LeeAnne’s phone.  Brandi gets defensive, and in a super high-pitched voice, yells at Kameron that she cannot believe Kameron believes LeeAnne and tells Kameron to “use her brain”. housewives of dallas season 3 episode 16 Kameron Brandi Kameron does not appreciate this comment, but Brandi continues to yell about how she would never steal LeeAnne’s phone. Brandi tries to spin everything around, saying if LeeAnne wants to blame her for getting drunk and leaving her phone, it is no reason to come after her family.  Brandi gets exactly what she wants, and Kameron comforts her, as do the others.
However, Kameron does tell Brandi that LeeAnne genuinely thinks Brandi stole her phone.  Brandi tells us that Kameron is officially “LeeAnne’s Bitch”, because Kameron defends LeeAnne even when she is really wrong.

D’Andra comes over, and tells Kameron any lie is not okay.  Kameron tells D’Andra she heard D’Andra is done with LeeAnne too.  D’Andra repeats how hurtful LeeAnne’s comment at the fashion show was to her. D’Andra tells us she now realizes that LeeAnne thinks she is disposable.  D’Andra says LeeAnne used her to social climb in Dallas, now LeeAnne has no use for her, and LeeAnne is using Kameron instead.

Stephanie tells LeeAnne that Brandi absolutely did not steal her phone. LeeAnne insists she did because of the video.  Stephanie tells LeeAnne she and Brandi really need to talk.
Here we go.
LeeAnne says she does not want to ruin Stephanie’s party.  Stephanie insists on bringing Brandi over, because she cannot stand this all anymore.

Stephanie pulls Brandi over.
Stephanie tells Brandi LeeAnne thinks she stole her phone, but she told LeeAnne she does not think Brandi did that.
LeeAnne tells Brandi she thinks Brandi took her phone because she thought LeeAnne’s phone still had the images from the Baltic Sea.
Brandi asks LeeAnne if she was going to do something bad to her phone, why would she return it the way she did.
LeeAnne tells Brandi she thinks Brandi returned her phone because eventually LeeAnne would have found out that Brandi had it in her possession.
Brandi does not want to hear this, probably because she stole LeeAnne’s phone.
LeeAnne tells Brandi she does not believe a word LeeAnne is saying, and she feels the same about Brandi.  LeeAnne says there is zero trust between them.
Because Brandi is Brandi, she says the difference between her and LeeAnne is that she does not lie, and LeeAnne does.
LeeAnne asks Brandi when she lied, and the answer is when she said she cloned Brandi’s phone.
LeeAnne attempts to clarify this, saying it was a “joke”.
Cary does her best to diffuse this situation, saying they both have trust issues with each other they need to work on.
LeeAnne repeats they do not trust each other, and LeeAnne brings up that Brandi called her the Wicked Bitch of the West, and LeeAnne went back in her room and cried.
Brandi makes it clear that she never said West. Again, Brandi is forever trapped as a bratty thirteen year old cheerleader.

Brandi brings up a legitimate issue, that LeeAnne called her an alcoholic. Alright Brandi, now I care about what you have to say.  LeeAnne lies, and says she never actually called Brandi that…ever.  Cary immediately checks LeeAnne on this, saying if LeeAnne did not say it, she “inferred” it.  Imply, Cary.  The word you are looking for here is imply.
Cary then says she is pretty sure LeeAnne said alcoholic.  We are shown video receipts of LeeAnne calling Brandi an alcoholic.

D’Andra jumps in, saying her mother was concerned about her after LeeAnne told Mama Dee that D’Andra was an alcoholic.  LeeAnne tells D’Andra she told Mama Dee she thought D’Andra was drinking a lot, and never used that word.
D’Andra lets LeeAnne know that is not what her mother says.  LeeAnne’s answer to this is “that’s your mother”, and she will deal with that with Mama Dee.
Mama Dee has no desire to be dragged into this mess, and LeeAnne, why would you want to mess with Mama Dee?  She is Mama Dee!

Brandi gets up in LeeAnne’s face and asks if she thinks she is empowered to say “shit” like that.housewives of dallas season 3 episode 16 brandi leeanne fight group  LeeAnne says no as Brandi continues, and says  LeeAnne thinks she is better than the rest of them.
LeeAnne gets extremely upset, denied this, and pokes Brandi in the chest.  Brandi pulls away saying “Ayyyyy, who touched who”, and LeeAnne tells Brandi to get out of her face.
Yes please leave each other’s presence, as this is not going well at all.  Party guests are watching , and one person takes video on his phone.
Brandi tells LeeAnne to get her “ass” out of the party.  She says she has been friends with Travis for twenty years, and  says LeeAnne had better “kiss her own ass, and hit the door”. Brandi, you say you went to college?  Was that English, what language was that?

Cary leans in telling both of them to stop it, Stephanie tells LeeAnne to get away from Brandi.  Brandi tells LeeAnne she does not scare her, even as LeeAnne backs off making furious faces.
Cary tells at LeeAnne, telling her to stop behaving like that.  LeeAnne asks what about Brandi.  Cary demands both of them stop it.  How sad is it that Cary has to step into this situation like a mom.  If LeeAnne and Brandi do not stop this, Cary is going to turn around this whole frat party, and everyone is going to go home covered in foam!
Cary tells us that when LeeAnne gets really vicious when backed into a corner, and Brandi is doing what she can to make things worse.
LeeAnne walks off, Brandi is taken away.  Mark asks Cary if she is alright “babe”, and Cary says she does not know.  Poor Cary, she is supposed to be having fun!
LeeAnne decides to sit at a table all alone, which is sad for many reasons.  LeeAnne sees Brandi being led away and says ” Cry bitch, act like yo’ shit is hurt, when it ain’t.  Be a motherfucking victim created fo’ yo’self.  Bullshit”.
What even was this?  Is LeeAnne possessed by the ghost of Vanilla Ice, who is still alive?

Brandi cries on her friend Haley. saying she wants LeeAnne out of her life. This would really be best for everyone, and should have happened in the first season.
Stephanie tries to comfort a crying Brandi, who just says, “I’m sorry”, when she is given over to Stephanie for hugs.

Cary and Kameron go to check on LeeAnne.  Why in the world was she left alone in the first place? LeeAnne says she is sitting there, watching Brandi walk away crying after attacking her.
Cary agrees. LeeAnne asks Cary if Brandi attacked her, and Cary again agrees.
Cary tells LeeAnne that she cannot escalate things like this.  LeeAnne says she did not, and she did not try to throw anyone out of this party.
Cary looks like she is going to explode. Cary tells LeeAnne to just walk away when she is put in a situation like that.
LeeAnne lies down on the grass, asking god to tell her what to do.
Cary cannot take this anymore, and pours whatever is in her red cup all over LeeAnne.
LeeAnne asks god why he left her and why she is so “fucking” alone, as Cary and Kameron just watch this.  What is this episode?
Cary tells LeeAnne she is not alone, and she is sitting there.
Cary orders LeeAnne to get up, as Kameron stands up to help Cary get LeeAnne off the ground, if need be.  Cary tells LeeAnne to sit in the chair, and LeeAnne thanks Cary for “saying what you see”, when it comes to Brandi starting trouble.
Kameron gives LeeAnne credit for coming to the party knowing Brandi was going to do something like that, and for keeping her cool.  Kameron tells LeeAnne she stayed away as much as she could, even though Brandi was going after her.

Stephanie tells Brandi she needs to go over to talk to LeeAnne.  Brandi tells us she does not understand why Stephanie feels caught in the middle when she is Stephanie’s best friend.
LeeAnne tells Stephanie Brandi tried to throw her out of Stephanie’s party.  LeeAnne says she felt she had a right to be at the party, as much as anyone else who was invited.  Stephanie tells LeeAnne she is not asking her to leave, but that was bad.  LeeAnne yells, telling Stephanie Brandi started it.

D’andra and Brandi watch from afar.  D’Andra tells Brandi it was disturbing when LeeAnne moved back from Brandi, and started making scary faces, making it seem like her personality was changing.  D’Andra says at this point in her life, she is more interested in Brandi’s lightheartedness, and fun.
D’Andra asks where the kegstand is, and does some kegstands.
Cary, LeeAnne, Kameron, and Stephanie all go in the foam pit.
At least they ended up having some fun!
These reunions are going to be brutal.

What did we learn this week –  I could not take Brandi vs. LeeAnne this whole season, and this episode was painful to watch.
They are both in the wrong, and are both at fault for all of this nonsense. I feel bad for everyone around them who got caught up in this, or had to witness any of it.
Also, Brandi stole LeeAnne’s phone. Watch that come out on the reunion.  I could be wrong, but I do not think so.

The person I felt worse for in this episode was Cary.   It is great that she was able to be a LeeAnne wrangler, and peacemaker, but it is too bad she could not just enjoy herself at this party.  Mark did beer bongs, Cary should have been doing that too!

-Aoife, TV Maven


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